Luke is one month old today. One month ago David and I were still reeling from a 30 hour labor that ended in a c-section. That Friday night induction that turned into a Saturday morning with contractions coming every minute, the arrival of Rachel our doula, the decision to get an epidural after seven hours of contractions with absolutely no progress on my part (what do you mean I’m still just 1 cm?) the epidural itself, which was one of the most intense and sad moments of my life, fourteen hours of pitocin and four epidurals later a c-section, chronic dry mouth I was sure I was going to die of, and finally a little baby boy with his stomach and lungs full of meconium, David hurrying to stay with the baby while I got stitched up, lying there in amazement that I had a son and still unbelieving that I had had a c-section. Feeding him for the first time, finally finally getting to bed at 5.00 that morning after his first bath, done inexplicably at 4.00 in the morning, but revealing blond golden hair. Those long days in the hospital filled with visitors and still not believing we had a baby. His second night spent in the nursery freaking us out because he was running a temperature and not eating. Many many hours and many shifts of nurses coaxing him to latch on and feed. Finally getting discharged and going home, discovering that autumn had arrived while I had been in the hospital. The joy of being home greatly tempered by days and nights of no sleep and a very cranky baby and a freaked out mother. And then, somehow, we got to know one another. Suddenly you were sleeping for more than 30 minutes, you were recognizing our voices and you were losing that swollen newborn look and filling out into your own. I know your face will change over and over as the months and years go by and you’ll get cuter and cuter, if that it is at all possible, but you are so adorable right now. Sometimes you surprise us with a smile, something you started doing around three weeks. We like to think they are real smiles, but perhaps you are just content or just gassy – both are possible. You are gaining weight like crazy, having regained your birthweight and then putting on another pound in your first two weeks of being here. You shake your head like a crazy person when you are really hungry and you gritch and fuss when you are leading up to being really hungry, but these are all worth it when you finally sigh with content and fall asleep on our chests, your little stomach moving in and out with your tiny little baby breaths.
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